welcome to my blog!
here i just kind of talk about whatever i want. mostly to do with my life and things
im interested in! :D
i've been thinking lately about twitter, in specific the people there. i want to preface by saying i was on (i say was cause i don't use it that much anymore) twitter between 2018-2023 pretty heavily. opened my phone, went on twitter. had 5 minutes to spare, twitter. all my friends were on twitter. i spent half of my adolescent years on twitter so its basically engraved into my skull at this point, it defintely warped me a lot.
i specifically want to talk about the moral scrupulosity that people on twitter have (now i guess in places like tiktok but im talking twitter cuz thats what i know best) and how much it genuinely warped my mind and probably some others in the process. everybody on twitter is in a constant state of battling with eachother in a war of moral scrupulosity, everybody wants to be a better person than the other, if you aren't a perfect person you're shunned, if you don't do things the right way everybody will blame you.
i only have realised recently since i stopped using it so heavily how hard it has effected me and my OCD. and afterwards being around people who are on twitter so much and their own mentalities, its exhausting to be around. you do one thing wrong or they take what you say and twist it and suddenly youre a horrible person. they bring up something you did when you were teenager and yep youre gone. never be around this person theyre evil and awful. it's quite fucking ridiculous. if you don't perform exactly how they want you to you're awful.
and i'm not going to beat around the bush, i was one of these people once upon a time and i was probably insufferable. it severely effected my OCD, i would have frequent breakdowns about not being a good enough person or doing something bad and i think this is where some people talk about being fearful of callouts despite not doing anything wrong, being fearful of something like that happening. because you have to walk on eggshells around everybody who uses that platform and is like this.
i think it's good to be a good person, i think wanting the right thing is good. but what 90% of people on twitter lack is critical thinking. no i dont think that person is terrible and awful for listening to a musician that got cancelled 2 years ago. i dont care. its ridiculous. someone made sexual gore art to vent their feelings, i dont care, im glad they got their feelings out via art rather than doing something stupid. it feels really redudant to get mad at people like this especially with art, i feel like people forget that people have been using different art forms to tell stories for millenia, to tell feelings and emotions. art like this especially always has meaning behind it, even if the artist themselves didn't intend it.
people on twitter act like drawing something taboo is the absolute end of the world and from there on that person should have no platform for art at all. it limits you, it limits creativity and it limits freedom. you can't control what other people do and make, you can only control what you see. i completely understand if someone personally doesn't want to see stuff like gore art, which is why systems such as muted tags and words exist in the first place. people would much rather jump on a harassing band wagon then just mute a few words so they dont see it anymore.
i don't have much else to say but, be creative. make weird art. don't feel constricted because of what people online may think or say. do what You want to do and the people that you truly click with will come to you.
life is really wonderful and worth living. i'm really happy to love who i love and live the life that i am right now. i finally feel somewhat at peace. to create, to love, to play and have fun, to be around people who truly love you for who you are are all worth it to live for. it's such a stark difference to how i was living a few years ago, the people i was around and what i was dealing with. its refreshing to be in love with living, to not live everyday wanting to sleep and never wake up again. im working on loving myself, on not being so embarrassed by things, and experiencing life, but right now i love where i am. i don't know if anyone even read my journal entries on murderscene, probably about 2 people maximum and one of them is my boyfriend LOL. but i was in a really hard place around the time i started up murderscene, it was literally maybe a month after i left my ex and i was tweaking HARD. a lot of my entries were talking about being lonely and having a hard time socializing. i also read my old vent account and oh my lord someone tell this poor boy everything will be okay. it really puts into perspective how i felt around that time and what i was dealing with.
i think what that just shows me is that, everything will be okay. even if you feel like the world is collapsing on it's head and you feel the worst imaginable, you'll be okay. you'll get through it. life is worth living so you can get to the good parts.
recently i've been delving into bdsm more, doing a bunch of research and just generally thinking about it more often, including incooperating it more into my art. this lifestyle is so special and important to me i really don't think i could live without it, it's such an important part of who i am. it means a lot to me that people just like my art and the kinkiness of it because it feels very raw and true to who i am. felix and luan are very special to me as characters i love them so dearly it means a lot to me that other people also love them... continuing onto bdsm, i think it's such a powerful coping mechanism and show of trust between partners. don't get me wrong, bdsm can go wrong in many different ways but i think the first step to having a good experience is finding a partner suiting to you, whether it be a romantic partner or just a play partner, someone you can trust and have a level of connection with. especially someone you can be open with so boundaries, limits and likes can all be discussed without being scared to discuss them. i think BDSM is such a good way to cope because it really lets you just be free and experience a trusted experience with your partner. i don't really know what the point of this entry was i just had some thoughts i wanted to get down. everyone get freakier NOW!
today is my birthday!!! my boyfriend came over from canada about a week ago and we've been having so much fun... it was a surprise from my parents to get him over and i feel really lucky to have such supportive and loving parents that they would bring him over like this. i really love him a lot and he means so much to me to just be able to be in his presence like i am right now typing this feels so comforting i love him a lot. we're having a lot of fun we went to the goth club together and stayed there all night after having a failed attempt at going to our first munch (english pub setting is not for the weak) cuz i got too scared to talk to anyone also everyone was like 40 years old... maybe a different kind of munch will be better LOL. but the goth club was so much fun we danced to some of our favourite songs together and met some weird people LOL but it was a lot of fun just jumping and headbanging together and having fun i love doing anything with him especially if he enjoys it too. we've been shopping a lot together too trying to make the most of our time together even though he's here for like 3 months Yay!!! we got a lot of fugglers which my friend amoeba introduced me to now im obsessed with them i think i will put the ones i got onto my figures collection because i like them a lot... we've also been working on our bags together and decorating them with fabrics, studs, pins and patches and i think they look really good!! i'm not really a big sewist myself so he had to help me a lot but it was fun learning and creating with him im rly proud of what i did for my bag even tho its justa bunch of sewing and gluing! today for my birthday we went to a small mall near me to go to a cd shop and it was so fucking cheap i was so surprised!! £3 for 1 cd!!!! What the hell! so i got some new cds and saw 1 and saw 2 on bluray :3 we also went to this little pop up shop that was in the mall and bought little figures and keychains of this brand called gus fink which i'd never seen before but ithought it was really cute and looked super 2000s emo/scene, i got a keychain and a little bobble head of the hypno cat! then we got home and my mama had a banner up for my birthday and made us a bunch of party food and me my boyfriend and parents watched beetlejuice together it was really fun i had a good day i was a little down in the dumps cuz my outer family were gonna come over for my birthday but they cancelled on us because they "didn't have the energy"... but it's okay cause i had a good day with my boyfriend and my parents! now me and my boyfriend are on our computers working on our websites! he's using my dad's shitty windows 7 laptop because obbiously he couldn't bring his pc...
